A Call to Leadership (from Racism & Love)

The past two weeks have felt heavy and I’ve been struggling.

I’ve been trying to find the right words or the right message.

“The truth is that we are not yet free; we have merely achieved the freedom to be free, the right not to be oppressed. We have not taken the final step of our journey, but the first step on a longer and even more difficult road. For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. The true test of our devotion to freedom is just beginning.” – Mandela

I’m 6’2”. Blue-eyed. Blonde, with a shaved head. I’m white. I went to private school. My dad was my Headmaster. I went to one of the top 3 universities in Canada. I’ve had just about every opportunity imaginable. I don’t find what is going on in the world right now easy or possible to ignore. I don’t believe I can or should be silent, but I also don’t really know what to say.

I’ve thought about borrowing from music artist & actor Childish Gambino (Donald Glover) and his song This Is America.

I’ve thought about the scene from Newsroom where Jeff Daniels’ character explains why “America isn’t the greatest country in the world anymore.”

I’ve thought about the closing argument from A Time to Kill where Matthew McConaughey’s character pauses… and instructs you, “Now imagine that she’s white.”

I’ve thought about Brene Brown talking about the floods in Houston. “People didn’t ask what your political views were or care about your race before helping you. We just helped each other.”

I’ve thought about the parable of the lost sheep. Where 99 are safe, 1 is missing, and the importance of helping the 1 who currently needs help most.

I’ve thought about Green Book, Hidden Figures, 12 Years a Slave, Remember the Titans, The Butler, Invictus, Django Unchained, and more.

I’ve thought about residential schools and the Indian Act.

I’ve thought about Tarana Burke, Ambra Gutierrez, Anastasia Melnichenko, and the importance of #MeToo.

I’ve thought about Rodney King, Emmett Till, Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner & Ramsey Orta, Tamir Rice, Stephon Clark, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, and John Crawford III.

I’ve thought about Reena Virk and Amanda Todd.

I’ve thought about Colin Kaepernick, Jackie Robinson, Jesse Owens, John Carlos & Tommie Smith (and Peter Norman), Althea Gibson, Wilma Rudolph, and Rubin Carter.

I’ve thought about how confused I was when I lived in the Dominican Republic and was told the hate some Dominicans had towards Haitians was because “they’re black”.

I’ve thought about criticism against and the horizontal hostility toward Will Smith for not being “black enough” to play a certain movie role. I’ve also thought about Will Smith saying “Racism isn’t getting worse, it’s getting filmed.”

I’ve thought about Black Wall Street in Tulsa, Oklahoma’s Greenwood District.

I’ve thought about the expectations we place on others, the expectations we place on brands, the expectations we place on leaders and the different definitions we have for leaders and leadership. Anne Lamott writes that “expectations are just resentments under construction.”

We seem to be expecting perfection; forgetting that people are human; forgetting that humans are fallible; and as Dave Chappelle demonstrated during a set in Brooklyn, that humans are capable of listening, being educated, atoning and changing their point of view.

“I am fundamentally an optimist. Part of being optimistic is keeping one’s head pointed toward the sun, one’s feet moving forward.” - Mandela

I’ve thought about Martin Niemoller’s poem, "They came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up."

I’ve thought about those words from John Stuart Mill or Edmund Burke, that “the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

I’ve thought about that line from Shawshank Redemption, “if you’ve come this far, maybe you’re willing to come a little further. Remember, hope is good thing, maybe the best of things.”

I’ve thought about that quote from Margaret Mead, “never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed, organized citizens can change the world; indeed, it’s the only thing that ever has.”

Call to Leadership

I believe what it means to be a leader is constantly evolving and changing. I believe more than ever we need leaders in our society and in our communities. I’ve thought about Robin Sharma and his book The Leader Who Had No Title.

In conversations recently, I have heard people expressing a desire for better leadership. I believe that there is a tremendous leadership gap in the world today. Yet I am also encouraged. I see people expressing a desire to be the leader that others need them to be; stepping into that role is a challenge and takes courage. If your leadership brings positivity, safety, or encouragement to even just one person, your effort is worthy.

To help you answer that call to leadership, what is required of leaders in our current environment, I have six skills for you to focus on and practice. 

1. Love – the Black Lives Matter movement began with two short Facebook posts that included the words “I love you. I love us.” and “You are loved infinitely.” Love is about a positive emotional state, virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection defined as the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another. If this is where we begin with leadership, we are off to a great start.

2. Patience – leaders today need to practice and be skilled in patience. The stress and mental health impact of social distancing is profound for many people. My observation is that the impact is much more significant than most people have recognized or acknowledged yet. When we add in the reality, stress, and trauma of a global anti-racism movement into a world that is politically more polarized than ever before, it is emotionally exhausting. Many people are not yet ready to listen to an opposing or different view regardless of the love you share it with. I invite you to have patience with others and with yourself in leading.

3. Empathy – we need to suspend our egos to better understand the needs, wants, intentions and desires of others. Empathy is cultivated by courage, compassion and connection. There are four defining attributes of empathy: i) to be able to see the world as others see it; ii) to be nonjudgmental; iii) to understand another person’s feelings; iv) to communicate your understanding of that person’s feelings. Similar to patience, empathy is a skill that leaders need to practice.

4. Inspire – leadership includes the practice of inspiring others to dream more, learn more, become more, and do more. I continue to be inspired by Nelson Mandela’s ability to love, demonstrate empathy, and emphasis on patience. As an athlete I am inspired by the patience of his fitness regimen in his 2.1m² cell on Robben Island. As a human I am inspired by the empathy and love he demonstrated by embracing his former guards.

5. Endurance – if there is one element to my mindset that I believe has served me most, it is my endurance athlete mindset. My ability to stay focused on the long-term goal or infinite game while also creating shorter term milestones to stay motivated has helped me achieve things I never knew I could. There are times where persistence and perseverance despite prolonged periods of challenge, and quite honestly pain, are required for leadership.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Mandela

To be clear (and frankly, blunt), I think that leaders who are in the honest, genuine pursuit of doing good, leaders who are leaning into love, patience, empathy and inspiration, are going to take it in the teeth for the next while. You need to know that. You need to be prepared for it. I know, it’s neither glamorous nor motivating. It isn’t even all that inviting. It can be daunting, I’ll admit.

“There were many dark moments when my faith in humanity was sorely tested, but I would not and could not give myself up to despair. That way lays defeat and death.” – Mandela

Endurance also means having a set of habits that sustains your performance and leadership abilities. What I have learnt is that the key to endurance is the willingness to ask for and accept help.

6. Recovery – this is more purposeful and organized than rest and relaxation. It means very intentionally slowing down, finding stillness and disconnecting. We have this hero culture about busyness, staying digitally connected to our work and our teams even while on vacation. Most people do not know the last time they took a vacation without still being connected to work. I know that when I feel like I cannot take a break, that is when I need it most. Prior to 2020, I scheduled and committed to a 3 – 4 day break every 90 days. Right now, as a need to adapt to self-isolation, the emotional impact of social distancing and working from home I am finding that myself and others need a scheduled 3 day break every 60 days. For the past 10 years my most beneficial and highly recommended recovery strategy is, at least once a year, to take a break without access to a cellphone signal. For at least 5 days; ideally 10 days. I have done this every year for the past decade. As Robin Sharma says, “elite performance requires elite recovery.”

If you’re reading this, it is because I believe in your ability to be that leader. I believe that you have an innate ability to positively influence others. I believe in your capacity to love. I believe in your ability to be patient. I trust your ability to demonstrate empathy. I know that you inspire others in your life. I am convinced of your ability to endure. I celebrate your awareness of the need for you to prioritize your purposeful recovery.

"I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come." - Mandela

2020 has presented many unique challenges for us all. There are likely many more to come. I believe that 2020 will finish in a good place with a lot of hope for humanity. Before we get there, I am honestly expecting it to get harder. A lot harder. The time to rest is now. Right now.  If you have not disconnected, purposefully and intentionally, for at least 2 – 3 days in the past month, your greatness and ability to lead require you to do critical recovery work within the next 2 – 3 weeks.

“Sometimes it falls upon a generation to be great, you can be that generation” ― Mandela

A few ideas on where we go from here.

Investing in Social Services: I’ve thought about the calls the defund the police. Being an optimist, I prefer language that better aligns with the intent. The intent of this is not to abolish police forces or departments. It also doesn’t mean police officers aren’t worthy (they are) or that they are all bad humans (they’re not). The intent is instead to re-allocate funding to services specifically trained and focused on mental health and addiction problems, moving homeless people, poverty, child disciplinary problems in schools, and more. Some estimates have law enforcement spending 21% of their time on mental health related calls.

Conversations around mental health have been getting more frequent, destigmatized, and it is rapidly becoming the most important health concern of millennials. Deaths of despair are increasing, and suicide attempts have especially increased among black youths. Investing in social services supporting mental health, homelessness, reducing poverty are all causes I believe are worthy.

What can I do better: Honestly, this is somewhere I need help. What I know I can do is helping people be better leaders; giving them tools; providing coaching; facilitating conversations; being an example of love, patience, empathy, inspiration, endurance, and elite recovery. I have a few other ideas that I am going to explore. I am open to suggestions and conversations about how I can best support this movement and be better (particularly if it’s about how to talk to the guy with the Confederate Flag on the back of his pick-up truck; yes, I am serious).

Resources: when I said the past weeks felt heavy, that weight definitely increased as I did more and more research, read articles, engaged in conversation, watched documentaries, films, and yes, far too many videos of Black Lives being intentionally killed. It’s hard on the heart. The sense of overwhelm can be emotionally paralyzing. With that in mind I wanted to share a few resources with you that might help understand the Black Lives Matter movement and figure out how you want to best direct your leadership:

• Hyperlinks: I have tried to provide impartial third-party resources as much as possible. I tried to blend it between academic papers, open-source platforms, independent journalism, and varied sources to reduce the possibility of encountering pay-walls. Wherever and as much as possible, I have tried to find links and information written prior to 2020 in an effort to avoid information that is biased based on the most recent current events. I want to make sure people know this is a long-standing issue. If there is a name, historical reference, or something else mentioned with a hyperlink that you are not fully familiar with, please click the link to go a little deeper.

• A Long Walk to Freedom – Nelson Mandela: July 2020 would have been his 102^nd birthday. When I think of the leadership the world needs most right now, I think of him. Consider reading his autobiography.

• Heavy, An American Memoir – Kiese Laymon: a compelling record of American violence and family violence, and the wide, rutted embrace of family love. The memoir deals with race relations and weight-obsession in America.

• White Fragility – Robin DiAngelo: written in 2018, this book is continually referenced among the best resources for people to better understand how white people unknowingly or subconsciously prop up racist beliefs.

• Talking to Kids About Racism, Police Brutality, and Protests: a friend (for clarity, a white friend) of mine recently adopted a black child (for further clarity, she and her husband just wanted to give a kid who needed love, who needed patience... they just wanted to give a deserving kid a home. They didn’t care where in the world the adopted child came from, he just happened to be black; Oh, and the fact that I had to provide all that context is exactly why this entire conversation is necessary.) I cannot imagine the types of conversations a parent is having with their children right now.

Parents, teachers, and other influencers of children, you have remarkable responsibility right now and the call to leadership for you is incredibly important and challenging. Your children might already be familiar with Nicole Byer and her Netflix series Nailed It; using her language could be a good place to start. NPR has a Q&A with Jesse Hagopian, a teacher and co-editor of Teaching for Black Lives, with links to several other resources. Insider Intelligence, a leading-edge research firm, has you first discern how much your children already know about racism and then provides options. Spoiler alert, it finishes with “above all, teach them love is the answer”.

“What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.” - Mandela

A few final thoughts. Nelson Mandela is definitely the example I am trying to learn from most right now. That being said, for the past two weeks while I’ve been putting my thoughts together, I have had an acoustic version of Hunger Strike by Temple of the Dog (Chris Cornell and Eddie Vedder) on repeat. The song is a statement of staying true to what you are doing regardless of what comes from it (the endurance skill of leadership). The chorus also includes the lyric “I can’t feed on the powerless when my cup’s already overfilled.” To me that line speaks to the opportunity we have to be leaders.

In answering the call to leadership, start first and right now with recovery, so that you have the necessary endurance. Find ways to inspire. Demonstrate empathy. Be patient. And most of all, love.